We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
