It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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