My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
