we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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