the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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