so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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