Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
