i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
