lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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