why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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