He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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