I want to walk on stilts...naked
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
