new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
