You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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