I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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