There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
