Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
