so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he shaved USA in his pubs
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
