Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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