She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
