Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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