he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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