Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
