You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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