all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize