hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Terrible idea I love it
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