I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
