once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
