Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
