Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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