All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
