It's like a parade of train wrecks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
