i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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