Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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