Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
