I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
