Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
did i just pee glitter
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
