Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
