2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
