If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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