Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
