I met the friendliest cop last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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