Kiss
Puke
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
