she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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