I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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