Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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