can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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