this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
