she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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