he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
