I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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