Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I party with great urgency now.
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