Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
