Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
