so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
