I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
