i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How naked do you want me to be?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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