I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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