Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
