Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
