hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
