I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
