I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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