Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
