Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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