My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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