please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
