I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
