on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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