I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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