Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
