So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
