Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
