apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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