You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
