He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize